The pride - case studies II

Example 5: Gabriel and Oana were walking through a park with other three persons. Gabriel was preoccupied by the study of some religious phenomena of different civilizations and he had many knowledge in this field. One of those three persons was Gabriela’s mother who considered that he deals with unserious things.
Oana replied: “It’s OK. One day he’ll grow up.”
Irritated by the Oana’s words, Gabriel replied to her that she should be the one who has to grow up considering the fact that she hasn’t studied almost anything about the religious phenomenon.
Then he added that he could prove to her anytime that she’s more ignorant than he is.
“You don’t know anything about the religious phenomenon. What have you studied about Buddhism? Do you know what is it about? See, you don’t know anything. Or about Islam, Hinduism, Judaism. See, you haven’t studied anything! Then why do you give verdicts about fields you don’t know anything?”
1. At this answer, Oana felt a state of offence (anxiety, restless) and then, immediately of anger.
2. The circumstances were those mentioned above.
3. In exactly the same circumstances in the Oana’s psyche there were some wrong judgments like:
“How can he call me stupid? He’s the stupid one. I’ll never talk to rude people anymore. How does he dare to offence me like that? To call me stupid… And besides all these to prove it to me in such a way that I can’t contradict him.”
“How does he dare to speak to me on this tone of superiority and arrogance and to call me stupid.”

4. The wrong judgments implied in the judgment mentioned above are:
a) “I should always know everything.”
Obviously, we can’t know everything; there will always be things about which we don’t know; that there will always be some domains in which we are ignorant. To expect the contrary means to have in us a false expectation.

b) “People should never call us stupid in face even if they realize that we are ignorants in a field or another.”
People say what they want and we can’t control this. To expect them only some thing, it’s obviously a false expectation.

c) “People should always talk to me in a benevolent way and with respect.”
d) “I should always be wright in all that I say.”
She said that Gabriel hasn’t grown up yet and when it was proved to her that she was wrong, she kept in herself the false expectation mentioned above instead of accepting its existence.

In the case of Gabriel the pride manifested, too.
1. The state felt was of agitation, anxiety, stress, offence, anger, etc.
2. The circumstances are those mentioned above: the Oana’s statement that he’s not a mature person yet.
3. In those moments, his thoughts were:
“She’s wrong in what she says and I’ll prove it to her openly. The truth must be said in face and with determination even if it bothers the other ones. I will draw her attention about this fact and I’ll do it roughly to teach her a lesson to be more careful at what she says in the future.”

4. Among the wrong judgments involved and presented above, there are some like:
“People should never give verdicts about things they don’t know deeply.”
Of course, people discuss about all kinds of things, they make well-founded statements but, most of the time, groundless ones.
To expect the contrary is a false expectation which can never be fulfilled.
People should never get upset (no matter of the circumstances and their state) when the naked truth is told to them or when they make a mistake (people should never manifest in themselves wrong judgments like the pride, etc.)

From his behavior Gabriel learnt that, for the harmony of a system, is not important just to tell the truth, but how and when you tell it if you don’t want to increase more the disharmony of the system.

In communication after the stage of listening and understanding it’s also important for another stage to take place- that of giving help – with an attitude of benevolence, love, calm.
It’s necessary to help the other one to understand that he/she is wrong and what exactly is his/her mistake (if we notice this during the phase of understanding)
The raising voice and the lack of love automatically activate in the other one (in the circumstances of the actual society) the automatic process specific to the anger and pride, which interrupt the communication, deterring our message to reach at him/her.

Speaking about us, it’s absolutely necessary - in order to maintain our harmony - not to let to manifest in ourselves any false expectation characteristic to the anger or pride.
Speaking about the other ones, in the context of the actual society, when we communicate with them, it’s absolutely necessary to be careful not to activate the manifestation of the mental automatic processes in their psyche (which were undoubtedly induced by the society); because in this way we’ll interrupt the communication with them.

Their conscious is usually less stronger and less active than the subconscious and through what we say or do , we cause the manifestation of some negative mental automatic processes, like those specific to the pride or anger; they will make the other one’s conscious not to work anymore and will deter our message to reach at them.


Example 6: The university teacher George, of 50 years old, was talking to some of his students at a cafeteria. He had a contemptuous and arrogant attitude when he was talking about some persons who weren’t as educated as him.
1. The state felt was that specific to the arrogance, despise, characterized by specific anxieties and restless known by all of us.
2. The circumstances in which the state mentioned above took place, were already described.
3. In those moments, George had some judgments like:
“Forget about those stupid people; they are some idiots and everybody knows that…”
“Speaking of these idiots, it’s pretty clear that they don’t have anything in their heads; that they haven’t studied and understood anything from what I tell them.”

4. The wrong judgments implied by those previously mentioned are:
“All the people should know what I know without being necessary to tell them anything.”
“All the people should know all that I know.”
“All the people should have the same values as I have.”
“The things should be OK for me even if I only criticize the others, without trying to help them to really change.”

This is a false expectation specific to the non-ideals of the unconstructive destruction, to the sustaining of an individualistic and careless attitude and to the irresponsibility for the well-running of the system.
As we’ve mentioned before, these non-ideals are wrong judgments specific to the existential-philosophic mental and they must be eliminated by correcting them if we want to strengthen the system’s harmony.